WHEN WE HURRY THROUGH EACH MOMENTS,WE MISS OUT ON THE RICHNESS THAT COULD BE OURS..TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE,TO EXPERIENCE WHERE WE ARE..RATHER THAN BEING SO OBSESSED WITH GETTING TO THE NEXT CHECKPOINTS..
today is anniversary of my late mother..menghembuskan nafas terakhir pada jam 3pagi.how i wish you were here umi
klu diberi kesempatan,sarah nak jumpa umi.cium umi and peluk umi.sebab sarah xpernah puas dengan kasih sayang umi.xpernah puas..walau dulu kita x sependapat.and sarah tau sarah anak yang degil..tapi sarah xpernah penat jaga umi dulu.sebab sarah nak umi tau sarah sayang umi lebih dari diri sarah sendiri..
kalau la umi tau..rindu sarah xpernah terubat.xde ape yang dapat ganti umi dalam hidup sarah
selamat berpuasa readers..btw,since start puasa xsempat lagi nak balik melaka.rindu nak sahur and berbuka dgn family.rindu nak tgok lauk mcm2 kat depan mata.coz my family are big family.so,of coz takat 2-3 juadah xkan ckup..well,bln puasa baru start.tp da mcm2 dugaan.alhamdulillah,nothing happen..but now,i really miss my car.after the accident.now still dalam bengkel.i didn't inform my parents coz i dont want them to get upset.btw,i'll take care of myself and i know i have to take a risk.hopefully ALLAH melindungi hambaNya..
my lil sista birthday party..thers a story behind.and i feel like so cute this lil girl..she force my mum to celebrate her birthday party and before my mum say a single words,she already invite her friends..and my mum was like -_- speachless.. 'bertuah punya anak' :)
i never regret anything in my life.but now i just realise i regret of sumthing.but it's too late to regret..every breath i take,i just think about it.why..why should i think about it.i feel like i've taken the wrong way.i should follow another road.but i just too scared..scared of myself.scared to face the reality.reality that i am nothing..but i know that i am strong.strong enough to face all this alone..
last nite after lepaking with my gf at usj,i'm driving home with two of my gf..when we stopped at the traffic light,1 of my fren suddenly shouting.. "kat atas tuh!!!"..without thinking too much,i just jump at my fren coz i knw it.my soulmate,MR LIPAS!luckily i already stopped my car..i was wondering what happen to me if i'm driving alone.i think i will just leave my car at the middle of the road..what should i do.seriously i'm freaking out if i've seen it.. '_'
sumtimes..when i rmember back the things that i've done,i feel so stupid.but now,i just can cry alone thinking about it.i miss the thing..i miss that moment.i miss everything about it..but all i can do now is nothing..
i'm scared!i have 2lil sista..and im scared they will be like me..i've been watching them.growing without nobody beside.like me those days..hell yeah,i can say that i am sumbody now.but i'm not sure about them.but all i can say is i'm scared!!!bcoz ppl nowadays are so cruel,so crazy..what can i do in this situation coz i'm far from them.what can i do to protect them.how i wish i can send and fetch them from school.guide and teach..but all i can do is nothing.i know my late mom will get upset.coz i'm not taking care of them.coz i supposed to..i'm the only kakak they have.and i'm also like umi for them coz our late mom already told me and ask me to taking care of my siblings.well,all my siblings already know to take care themselves.it's just that i'm lil worried about this 2 lil sista..i dont want them to be like me
planning to use a braces..but,i'm scared!seriously..i'm just waiting for the right time to see the dentist.but seriously serious..i'm scared!after i've seen a lot of pic in the internet..look like so terrible.but i don't know..can it done under general anaesthesia?? :p
ppl might think i'm trying to show off..btw,nothing to show my dear.i'm just being myself and i'm happy being me.at least i'm not pretend in front of my friends,my family,my bf and especially,i'm not pretend in front of my parents..i'm just being myself and i'm not hypocrite!
if you noticed,sumtimes i will use MALAY..but most of the times i will use English.this is not trying to show off to anybody or trying to be gud!i'm just trying to improved myself..trying to improved my english as u'll know i have to use english in my workplace.coz nowadays that is the most important thing before u get the job unless u work with gov..am i rite??
so..blogging is the right place to improved myself i guess..in facebook ppl will get me wrong.coz most of my friendlist is my ex schoolmate..so they know me.and even now everybody in dif category,they might get me wrong.they will think i'm trying to show off even i'm not.thats why i'm not very active in facebooking..even i will update myself everyday.. ^_^
well,i'm very comfortable with myself..with my flip flop or my friends called it seliper jamban.btw,i dun mind.but what i'm trying to say is be urself..even my seliper jamban cost me a hundred ++..haha.but if i'm comfortable with my seliper jamban,what can i do.btw,sometimes depends on situations..if i have to attends some kind of dinner,of coz i will wear my heals..
and yeah..ppl will never stop talking about others and i'm sure each and everyone have their own habit.and so do i.i will wear blouse/shirt that i like the most every time i wanted to attend any dinner or function..so sumtimes i will wear it twice without acknowlegde thers ppl observing me or keep an eyes on me.or i called that kind of person as admiring me...ewww :o
well,ppl mouth..what can i do.mybe that person NEVER wear her shirt/blouse twice..mybe :p
and i'm speachless.dun ask me why coz i dun have the answer.it's not about her that make me speachless..but it's because what is she's saying is damn true..
WORK OR DON'T EAT
yup,don't work,don't eat..i think that says it all.this is not related to anybody.but the words make me think
notice that it doesn't say that those who CAN NOT work should not eat.no,we should have compassion on and help out those ppl.but if sumone can work yet will NOT WORK then he's left to the consequence of his actions..
just think about it,ur body have to perform some type of function to be able to eat.and any type of function is WORK..the price for not doing any work to live is death..aih,so cruel! :p
so,get out there and work!or find a way to survive without eating.. :)
i'm sure all of us have our own future plan..for me,i've planed it nicely.but of coz i will keep it to myself.coz not every single things you wanted to share rite..since i am single (belum berkahwin), getting married is 1 of my BIG plan..insteed of study and go to saudi
but seriously,i'm tired when ppl keep asking me the same question ----> when you will get married..
and i was like.. (^_^) ESOK BOLEH!
aih..i know la u ppl sgt2 prihatin..but dun la ask me the same question.lain kali cuba tnya..enough money or not OR do you need some money??ha..x nak plak tanya! :p
btw,thanx for those yg prihatin..thanx a lot ats keprihatinan anda.but roughly,this is my planed.i just pray everything will run smoothly..
i know i cant take one more step towards you.. couse all that waiting is regrets. and don't you know i'm not ur ghost anymore.. you lost the loved i love the most. i learned to live half alive.. and now you want me one more time. and who do you think you are.. running round leaving scars. collecting your jar of hearts. and tearing love apart. you're gonna catch a cold. from the ice inside your soul. so don't come back for me. who do you think you are.. i hear you're asking all around.. if i am anywhere to be found. but i have grown too strong. to ever fall back in your arms.. and it took so long just to feel alright.. remember how to put back the light in my eyes. i wish i had missed the first time that we kissed.. cause you broke all your promises. and now you're back. you don't get to get me back..
last nite i can't sleep..seriously.thinking what the hell is happening here..i mean inside me.keep tinking what i've done.but thank God i've sumone to talk to..which is i called her FRIEND.and nie la gunanya ade blog kn.tmpat meluahkan segala yg terpendam..see,i'm not trying to menggatal with anybody oke my dear bf.i just talking to myself since u have no time to talk to me.and i dun think that you wanna talk to me..btw,i dun mind.i'm tired..seriously!
i'm just thinking..perit dan menyakitkan klu kt je yg kene mngalah.tapi sesungguhnya,xde cara lain selain dari mengalah,dikalahkan dan terpaksa kalah!
well,thats life.hve to be strong enough..i keep trying to make everybody happy.tapi smpai bila nak keep trying whn other ppl dun even care about me!dun even care that its HURT me..
i know i hve to solve this problem myself.its all my fault..coz i juz let you CONTROL myself.control my everything.. (no need to mention here)
penat la bila terpaksa berkorban..and sgt2 penat bila pengorbanan xdihargai.x mintak barang branded2,mahal2..x mintak suruh byarkn kete..x mintak suruh beli kn rumah..x mintak duit ribu riban.x mintak dilayan 24jam..tapi cuma nak dihargai and dihormati sebagai seorang PEREMPUAN..
seriously..kesian myself.kesian hati nie jugak.i know i'm a gud girl..last time.and trying to be as gud as possible now.perlu ke berubah klu hakikatnya this is me..terima atau tidak its up to u.i'm not asking u or begging u!
btw,TUHAN tu Maha Adil..ape yg da lepas bia lepas.it doesn't mean i'm stuck with tht and thers no way out if things had to turn out that terrible..
like someone said to me,think about gud side of me and let it keep me going on..now,its up to me to EARN some respect not ASKING for it!and i juz need to start standing on my own feet and show to him that i want to earn that respect to hold on our relationshp and in the same time thighten the string thats holding on to both of our hearts..
hell yeah..now the pipe is on and i will let it flow out
today i'm not in a gud mood.dunno why..but suddnly rase cm nak tulis sumthing. kenapa lelaki suka nak perli2.ok..talking to myself.mcm tibe2 sakit ati plk..ckp jew mesti nak perli2 bagai.i knw i'm not perfect..but you are not perfect also rite.nobody's perfect!klu rase diri tu sempurna,cari la perempuan yg sempurna..btw,i know i'm not a gud girl.xbermaksud nak salahkan sesiape.tp mesti ke nak perli pasal perihal lame.padahal now nothing kowt.it's just me and you!
da terang lagi bersuluh..i am with you.only you..tu la kn,org ckp bila couple lme sgt jd busan..big NO here!xpernah rase busan walau sedetik pun.seriously makin happy..tapi klu bergado,hell yes!rase cm nak walk off jew..but dalam perhubungan mane ade yg baek je kn.itu baru BUSAN!cuma kadang xfaham kenapa mesti nak perli2.sarah xpenah nak perli2.tau kowt menyakitkn ati.even klu nak gali cite lama,awk punya lubang lagi besar kowt.cuma mls je..for what!i know who you are..and i love you bcoz it's you!i'm not asking you to treat me like a queen.just respect me..for who i am :)
duduk sorg2 tibe2 rase rindu nak mcm dulu.mcm dulu tu mcmana??hm,lepak with my friends..hangout here and there mcm x ade arah tujuan.tp memg pegi mane2 xpenah ade tujuan pun.klu klua dgn my bf only ade tujuan.coz die xkn bwk jalan x tntu arah.klu nak g ikea,ikea je la..xpyh la nak berangan nak g mid valley la,nak singgah sunway piramid,nak lpak kat klcc ke??memang xkn dpt der..unless nak g tgok wyg tp xde cite yg die nak kat tmpat tuh..ok!
penah skali,die nak tgok cite ape ntah..i juz suggest g d'curve coz i really suka g d'curve tuh.dun ask me why..tp nsib xbaek,cite yg die nak tgok tuh xde kt citu.so,dgn muka yg bengang trus die tarik i g kat kete and at last,we'll tgok wyg kat sunway jew..hm,xsempat pun nak jln ke ape.cuci mate!lagi la kn..nak bwat cne,lyn kn jela..
tp serius rindu nak mcm dulu,nak maen paintball, bowling, karaoke, photoshoot giler2, jalan2, lepak2, g bercuti..hm...btw,next mnth i nak g sarawak.i know,sarawak je pun..ok pe.dari xde kn! :)
hell yeah..i know my english are horrible.btw,who care!this is my blog kowt.so,i cn say whatever i want..do i look like i care!if you think this blog is not interesting.plz,stay away..i dont need you at all
ouh yeah..finally status student is not mine anymore.alhamdulillah.. after an assignment + study + exam..fuhh!now i can take a deep breath..evethough at first i don't want to cont study coz i hate exam..alhamdulillah again and again.thanx to all my friends.. :)
yesterday..i was oncall till morning.last case we had laparotomy at 6am.but i'm so sleepy during operation..can u imagine how sleepy am i.the case was quite interesting actly..but i dont know,mybe i'm so tired.damn tired!after that,lunch time i went to sleep for about 1hour only.then cont with the listed case..luckily got 1case only.then i straight away went to sleep at home..from pm till 7am this morning.i think (+-)about 12hours+..fuh!damn tired..the most longest sleep i ever had..
thanx for stay with me even we've been through a lot of things and loving me till now..and also the one that always makes me cry,smile and laugh together.even with your silly jokes..i love the way that you would do anything for me.things may never be the same again.but loving you will never change..
esp for engku khairul khalis..yang sentiasa buat saya menangis,tersenyum dan ketawa
andainya dia tau..bila sseorg prmpuan jth cinta,lelaki itu x smestinya pnya sgalanya.ttapi lelaki itu adalah sgalanya pd dirinya..andainya dia tau,bila sseorg prmpuan itu mngalirkn air mata,itu bkn brmakna die lmah.ttp die sedang mncri kekuatan utk die trus tbah mncintai lelaki itu..andainya dia tau,apbila ssorg prmpuan itu marah,memg die xmampu mngawal prasaan tp prcayalah,itulh mknanya dia sgt mngambil berat dan mnyayangi lelaki itu..andainya dia tau,apbila prmpuan brckap byk,itu xbrmaksud utk mmbuat lelaki rimas.ttpi die mgharapkan lelaki itu lbih mgenalinya dgn lbih dkat..apbila prmpuan brkata dia mhukn anda brubah,itu bkn brmakna dia x mahu mnerima lelaki itu seadanya.ttpi dia mahukn anda mnjadi lbih baik.bkn utk dirinya,ttpi utk masa dpn anda..
p/s:i love you from yesterday..today and i will love you forever :)